consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
