And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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