Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
