I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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