How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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