My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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