i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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