Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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