Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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