Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
