I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
