4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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