MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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