Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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