if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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