somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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