Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
