singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Why is your signature on my underwear?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
