I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
