I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize