Already got asked if we're dating
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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