even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
