I accidentally had phone sex last night
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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