First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
