Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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