bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
