i just wanna soil my oats bro
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
