I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
