I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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