Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
