Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
