I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
