you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
