jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
