i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
