Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
