i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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