Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize