But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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