I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
