it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize