after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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