Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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