roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
