Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
