my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
