just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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