Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
