Are we in a gay sports bar?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
