He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
