I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
