Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
