I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize