Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
