Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
