I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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