Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
