Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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