everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
