waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Did I show you my penis last night?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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