You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
