im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
