i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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