Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
