Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
