Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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