Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
