hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
no more duck duck goose at the bar
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize