If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
