hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
