I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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