They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
