I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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