i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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