Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
