he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
