Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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