I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
