this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
