I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Brb crying the tears of my youth
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
