I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
