Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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