just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
