im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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