I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
