The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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